With ice on our roads and ICE in the streets, it feels frighteningly frigid this February. One needs a warm up while the other requires a cool down.
Dr. Dan Siegel, Founder of the Mindsight Institute, loves alliteration and describes the stress response as “fight, flight, or freeze.” When he is amongst friends, he adds “fornicate.” It’s all about fear in the reptilian brain. I think we should be fussy about our f-words. I much prefer “feelings, funny, friends, and fabulous.”
It is essential to acknowledge all our feelings. Fear is warranted when you are in danger. When you can, give yourself a few seconds to acknowledge your fear, then make a choice in how you respond. Even this short reflection on your feelings activates the neocortex of your brain, where you can choose from more alternative responses. Remember Louis Pasteur’s advice that, “Chance favors the prepared mind.” Make sure you are readily in touch with your core values. Mine are love, peace, hope, and joy—all done with Grace.
I am reminded of Jack Kornfield’s story about a Tibetan Monk who told him he knew why Jack makes people laugh. When they open their mouths, he slips in a peace pill. Good medicine. I often quote one of Jack’s favorite sayings, “Without a sense of humor, it’s just not funny.” He is talking about life, not just February. It’s fabulous to have funny friends.
Another friend of mine is a trained violence interrupter. He knows how to deescalate violent behavior. He was Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s bodyguard on his last trip to the U.S. At the time, my friend was facilitating community dialogues and public-private partnerships to promote wellbeing across Minneapolis. A gentle man almost twice my size, he loves working with children.
Choose your friends wisely. Spend time together—in person or online. Listen, laugh, and love together. Hug each other.
My husband, Bill, is nearly ninety now. He represented the United States all over the world as an athlete and goodwill ambassador. He threw the javelin in the 1960 Olympics in Rome. He says he was proud to be an American then. Not now. He sends his best to all the athletes in Milan.
I am part of an informal group who call themselves the Good Troublers. Some peacefully protest, and most advocate for their core values by making phone calls, writing post cards, sending emails, and supporting community nonprofits. It can be stressful work. With a deep bow to the late John Lewis, I wonder if we should call ourselves the Hopeful Healers?
We could stay warm and wear baby blue bunny hats in solidarity with Liam Ramos and his family.